Prolog:
i just posted on my twitter that i’m going to write 1 posting each day before 22nd December. Well, let see if i can make it
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Nisa: gw kangen masa kecil gw, dulu gw bisa be myself
Cina: kalo sekarang?
Nisa: gw behave
Cina: bukannya…be….tchy?
These lines (or more or less similar to these) is taken from Cin(t)a, one of my favorite movie. There’re so much smart lines that captivated me in that movie, but this one is somehow been intriguing me lately.
I remember my mom used to tell me that i used to be a nosy kiddo, who kept asking and asking about almost all the thing and bugging everyone around me so that most of the time the would answer me with “whatever” or “stop asking” or just ignore me. I kept having those kind answer so that i learned not to ask everything and tried to find the answer by myself or just simply forget my question if i just can’t understand them.
I also remember that i used to do whatever i like, and most of the time it was a spontaneous one. Most of the time i chose to be different with others. Became the robber when we played the policeman, made my own paper doll when we played house, drew monkey when the teacher told me to draw mountain. Jumped to the river even when i knew that my mom would mad at me, spoke my argument when i think that something not happened like it supposed to be–even to a adult people. But then again, people telling me that what i did is not appropriate, i should try to behave like others, they call it adaptation. Then i tried to learn, to “adapt” with others, being uniform.
The more older i am, the more “adaptation” that i made. Until some certain point, sometimes i can’t even recognize what i actually really want. My friend call me as a compromising, the harder one would say that i don’t have my ow stand, or other would simply just call me as irresistance that sometimes i might sacrifice my own necessity. Well, in my point of view, i only try to please everyone — it’s part of the adjusting process.
yes people, i try to behave — please everyone in my own term.
Been living in a very different place with what you used to have for a while, had made me realized that sometimes you cannot just please everyone else. You also need to please yourself (the problem is, sometimes you cannot define how to please yourself when you already believe that pleasing everyone around you would also mean pleasing yourself). I keep trying to please everyone so sometimes i feel tired.
I know that being grown up, you are obliged to behave, to act, like your society want you to. But people, i begin to miss the old me — the ignorance bugging little kiddo who seems to enjoy her life.
world is constantly moving
time is certainly flying
so why don’t you be yourself instead?
9 days before quarter of century, how would you behave to face your future?
The way I see it, the more I grow up the more I realize that we are obliged to be ourself, not to behave like other, everybody is living on their own shoes rite =)
but we can’t deny that the society demand us to satisfy their certain expectations that sometimes we just get carried away and change the direction from be ourselves to behave. or it’s just me *sigh*