Life Celebration

Time does fly isn’t it? i don’t remember how suddenly 25 is soon to be just a history

I don’t remember what i exactly said to my so-called-big-brother-who-happened-to-be-born-at-the -exactly-same-date-but-different-year-with-me *rempong yaaaaa* in our birthday last year, but what i remember is i said to him that this year should be filled up with life celebration. No more complaining, with capital. And now since my 25 is almost done (if i’m still in europe, means the end of the discounted price for student under 26 season, glad that i’m in Indonesia now :p), let’s do some recap just to keep everything documented *as if i care with document or journal* *well i do care* *sometimes* *if else why did i start blogging anyway* *oh please brain, stop the monologue and be cooperate*. Pardon me people, it is just part of mid life crisis *what is mid life anyway??*

Okay, where should i start, my 25 was pretty awesome, i got my degree, i explored europe *a bit*, i learned a lot especially during my stay aboard *i mean that was a rare chance which hopefully i can regain someday* *doesn’t mean that i don’t like to live here, please believe me, if i have to choose Indonesia will be my number one*, i learned to grow, to accept the fact that to some extent i am adult and tried to act as adult should be, met new people, made friends, tried to think and see things from different points of view. Yeah, my life was full of celebration, i did keep my promise. to some extent. in other words. i didn’t really keep my promise all the time. well yeah. i’ve cheated.

i’ve cheated when i stopped writing because writing actually a form of celebration trough words

i’ve cheated when i stopped making pictures just for fun because photography is something that really fun and fun is identical with celebration

i’ve cheated when i stopped dreaming high. and it is a real severe. because people like me needs to dream all the time, dreams are our sedative, and now i kinda lost because i don’t know what i should dream *but i keep making unnecessary delusions which are plainly unnecessary*

i’ve cheated when i stopped having conversation with HIM whenever i needed tho i understand entirely that it is the purest form of life celebration.

And so, now i’m 26 *oh yeah people, now exactly 12 o’clock which mean i am officially 26* i’m thinking what should i do next?

i think it is an urge to start dreaming like i used to. and maybe this song will help me

happy birthday little girl, apparently one year is not enough for you to learn to be mature. so learn more, and never stop learning because when you stop that will be the end of your celebration.


Okay. Just after I wrote that it’s surprising that I could keep my writing commitment, I failed it. Oooh, how lame I am 😦
But well, I was too busy to please myself during these couple days. So I don’t care. Pardon me people.

2 days before a quarter of century. Bugger off, I just want to have fun.

Have a great winter break, or any other break :p, people.

Friday Blabber

I did my exam today. It was okay. Tho the result would be unpredictable.

But at least i’m free for a while. I don’t bother the result, it’s already done.

Now i just want to enjoy my little break. Doing some spontaneous act. Travelling. Hanging around with my friends.

Den Haag – Deventer – Enschede – Somewhere in Germany – Milan – Rome.

Yeaaa, even just thinking about it, already made me happy.


This is the wonder you hold little girl. Use it wisely when you have it.

5 days before a quarter century. Have a great winter break dear!

Live like you’re dying.


Good night people. Now i’m happy like a hippo!

have a blast weekend.

Thursday Blabber

In times like these, In times like those
What will be will be, And so it goes
And it always goes on and on…
On and on it goes

jack johnson – times like these


Wow, surprising how i can keep my commitment to write until my quarter century day since i always be the one who’s consistent to be inconsistent. Even my exam weeks not strong enough to prevent me from writing. This is an accomplishment. For real. Or this might have something to do with being grown up. You know, people say that grown up can handle their problems in a cool way. Now take a look at me. For example — I have exam tomorrow. I don’t feel like i’m super ready, well i try to give my best in preparing this exam. But i don’t have those sort of rushed – panic – terrified situation like what i used to have. I just feel, what should i say, content.

Though i know that this exam might be challenging one, one of my classmate told me that last year there’s only 20% students that passed this course. Tho i know that i should pass this one since i am binded with the scholarship program and my employer to finish my program in 1 year only. Though i know that i got bunch of material that i should read. I just feel so cool.

oh yeaaah people. I’m on the right track of embracing adulthood. Please welcome me world.

+eh besok beneran ujian ya?+ +mewek di pojokan+

6 days before a quarter of century. Are ready for tomorrow little girl?

whatever will be, will be. So bring it on!



Wednesday Blabber

Trouble he will find you, no matter where you go, oh oh
No matter if you’re fast, no matter if you’re slow, oh oh
The eye of the storm or the cry in the morn, oh oh
You’re fine for a while but you start to lose control…

– lenka – Trouble is a friend –

Starting a whole new life is not just about the excitement. There’s loads of problems involved. For me, this whole past 3.5 months felt so hard. I got bunch of troubles that sometimes made me want to crack up. The adaptation process, the missing and lonesome feeling, the study load, and other troubles that keep coming.

The more the troubles that i have, the more i complain about them. And the more i complain about them — without taking any real action — the worse i deal with them. And then i feel so tired. So then i started to talk with many people that happened to have to be in the same situation, starting sort of new life. Friends of mine, stranger, anyone. And hey, reality talks! most of them have same sort of problems. So hello girl…you’re not alone. And even if i talk to random people, they seem to have their own troubles.

So i come into conclusion that complaining is not a good combination for troubles, it will lead you into other troubles. So instead of complaining, it’s better to take a real action. When the troubles get too hard, you can take a break, calm yourself down for a while, and then get back and kick those troubles away from you.  Yes. I better keep this in mind.


7 days before a quarter of century. how many times you complain today little girl?and remember, God never put you in a trouble that you cannot bear.

So stop complaining. Start a real action instead.

Tuesday Blabber

I just took a personality disorder test. They told me that i suffer from dependent disorder. I am afraid of being alone. Matter of fact — i told you so many time before. I’m afraid to be alone — but often to feel so. Yes, maybe they’re right. I am highly dependent — i’m worried of being lonesome.

But then God put me here. In a far away land. So distant from my beloved people — the circle that keeps my silver lining. The time and distance come across the line. Yes. I am lonely. Honestly, i hate this. Being lonely often makes me insecure. And sometimes it breaks my walls. And so i cry. Longing for a hand to hold on, and a shoulder to lean on. But then i wake up in the next morning. And realized that sun still shining. And the world keeps moving.

So then. Sitting here in my room. Alone. I feel that i no longer afraid to be alone. Factually, at the end of the day i’ll be alone anyway. Just me — and God. So yes. Why should i feel afraid. Doesn’t mean that i begin to love the lonesomeness. Surely i still hate it. But i know, that i can cope it. I’ll keep holding on — no matter what.

7 days before a quarter of century, do you feel lonely tonight little girl?

you never really “alone” anyway. just take a look around.

Monday Blabber

yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift — that’s why we call it present

[kungfu panda]

Most of the time i get too worried about the future. What might happen. What might i get. What might i miss. Those overrated fear sometimes burdens me, and makes me afraid to step forward. Afraid to lose my current comfort zone, and reluctant to take a risk — tho i know that the reward might be huge.

Sometimes i also think too much about the past. What if i didn’t take my choices. What if i did the other way around. What if. Where would i be. What would i be. Those questions sometimes makes me too busy to look back, and missed the chances that passed me by. By the time i realized, it just all too late.

Now, remembering all those things, I’m awaken. It’s not the result, it’s not the outcome, it’s the progress that’s matter. No matter how bad my choices in the past are, the progress along journey that made me who i am today. And everything i am now is the result of everything that i did. And to some certain extent, i’m kinda feel blessed. About the future, we never know what might happen. Everything is possible. God is the greatest — nothing impossible. Matter of fact, what you do today is probably the most important determinant of what you’ll get tomorrow.

So now, i just want to enjoy the present. Be grateful for what i have today. Time surely fly, so let’s just savor what we have today.

8 days until a quarter of century

be grateful and enjoy your present little girl!